For those of you who are immersed in the true crime world, the name Michelle McNamara is not anything new. Her book I’ll Be Gone in the Dark has become like a biblical text, adorning almost every bookshelf of those who enjoy learning about true crime. This book transcended the entire genre in itself. No longer would true crime novels be mere statistics and facts, but now will transform into a story intertwined with the personal narrative of the author themself. Michelle McNamara did not simply give us a book about the Golden State Killer. Instead, she transported us into her research, her story, and the stories of DeAngelo’s victims. For me, Michelle herself became a mentor in a way. As someone who has difficulties expressing emotions, witnessing the strength Michelle had by allowing herself to relay her vulnerabilities through her written word, inspired me to become more open myself. She is raw. Unafraid of these “social norms” that force us to internalize our thoughts and emotions, leaving it all on the table through her writing. It makes one feel as though they know Michelle, and left me with this WWMD (What Would Michelle Do) complex whenever I begin to write.
Though I could spend an entire post fangirling over Michelle McNamara and her book I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, I don’t want to review her book. There is no compliment that I can give her book that hasn’t been stated countless times before. Instead, I would like to discuss the HBO Max series I’ll Be Gone in the Dark, the documentary based on Michelle’s work.
There is something hauntingly beautiful about this documentary series. On the one hand, hearing Michelle’s words and witnessing her work, leaves one in awe. You cannot help but be amazed by her dedication to this case, and her certain special quality that made everyone she met fall in love with her. People seemed to be drawn to Michelle, willing to help her however they could. It is as if the universe knew that Michelle’s work would be one of the key factors in catching Joseph DeAngelo. On the other hand, knowing the outcome of the events that will occur on April 21, 2016, adds a major layer of sadness. It was as if there was a countdown looming over you as the documentary goes on. You prepare for the date, you know what will happen, but watching it unfold and hearing the 911 phone call rips out a part of your soul. I have watched a lot of documentaries in my life (I was a history undergrad, so I’m one of those “interesting” people who watch them for fun), but Patton Oswald’s conservation with the 911 operator is something that will stick with me for a long time.
Post the tragic event on April 21, the watcher also encounters the bitter-sweet moment of April 24, 2018. I don’t find it a coincidence that DeAngelo was apprehended only three days to the second anniversary of Michelle’s passing. I believe it was Michelle’s way of telling us that she knew. She knew that Joseph James DeAngelo’s reign of terror was finally over. She knew that his 63 victims (not including the burglaries) finally had justices. She knew all of her work helped catch this monster. When I first watched this documentary, I was touched by the beauty of DeAngelo’s victims gathering together to celebrate his arrest, but couldn’t help but be pained by the absence of McNamara. But as I sit here writing this today, I feel a sense of realization come over me. Michelle was there. That is the sheer magic of a soul as beautiful as Michelle’s. Even complete strangers (who are fully aware that they sound like an absolute stalker at this point) know that she will always be apart of this journey. Those who were closest to her were able to celebrate in her honor. I hope they felt her presence throughout the trial, knowing that without her work this case might not have been solved.
If you have HBO Max, please put I’ll Be Gone in the Dark at the top of your list. I promise you will not be disappointed.
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